Letting go is something that isn’t easy for anyone I imagine…but especially Type A people like me, who like things to go to plan. I plan in order to make sure I have a purpose for what I do, to keep me on track and to keep me accountable. I always have a solid plan. But, like I said in my last post, sometimes not having a plan is okay. But even more important than that, is realizing that any plans you may have are not set in stone. Long terms plans have to be changed as you change. This week, I took my own advice to heart and let go of some big parts of my plan.
As most of you know I was accepted to Johns Hopkins Whiting School of Engineering a few months ago. I chose to enroll because getting my second masters degree was in my plan. I started taking classes when I worked at Boston University, and I saw this as simply following through on my original plan. The only problem was, I made that plan when I was in America. Not only am I now in a different place with different priorities but I have changed a lot as a person over the past six months in Israel. I would say I am more balanced in my priorities, leaving time for the things I want to do instead of being under the constant pressure of school and work and obligations. This is in fact part of the reason I moved to Israel…in order to support that lifestyle with a little help from the Tel Avivian vibe. I’ve been choosing this school path because the old me chose this path…but plans sometimes need to change.
This is one of those times. Like I said in last weeks post…I feel a bit overwhelmed and thrown off my usual game here in Israel. I think for a while, I was pretending that I didn’t feel that way and that I could continue on the same as America. In that spirit, I got a full time job with 8.5 hour days, I signed up for a new Ulpan in the evenings after work, I signed up for a gym for the days that I do not have Ulpan to work out after work, I took on two more freelancing clients to do extra work outside of work and then I enrolled in school. Normally, I thrive under such pressure (although this was a lot even for me)…but usually when I have more stable ground below me. I am still adjusting and I think I’m just coming to terms with that. I need to take it a bit easy…and that’s okay. It’s not a failure to change a plan…it’s realizing what is best and taking action to make it happen. That realization in itself is growth.
I also had a relationship end here in Israel that was no longer serving a positive purpose and that is also okay. It is time to let go, take what I have learned and move forward, doing what feels right for me. I always felt like changing my plan would leave me feeling disappointed in myself…but I feel the opposite today. I feel free and happy and like all the right choices just fell into my lap and I chose to take them. This is something I would have been scared to do in America…so I feel more proud of making these hard choices than I ever would have for seeing something through that I didn’t feel was right. And who knows…maybe in 3 years, I’ll decide to go earn my second masters or we will find each other again, or maybe not. For now, I’m deciding to let go of plans in favor of what life throws at me. So here’s to new beginnings, letting go of all that doesn’t serve us in this moment, and finding happiness along the way.
In the spirit of finding happiness, I crossed off some list items recently and had some more spontaneous adventures off the list. Starting with #57: Travel with an Israeli passport. I took my first trip with my passport and it was magical! I breezed through passport control on my home to America and upon my return to Israel. I got to see my family and I got my one week winter that I’ve always wanted.
The day I got back, Benji and I went hiking at Wadi Kelt and (#33) visited a farm. The scenery and landscape here in Israel is like nothing I have ever seen in America. It’s truly breathtaking. It was one of the most peaceful and wonderful days I have had here in Israel. I have missed nature in the hustle and bustle of Tel Aviv, so getting back to it was just what I needed.
Shavua tov everyone! Go out and do what makes you happy (and let go of everything that does not)!